The Courage to Look
The Living Inquiries are an open invitation to look in a very gentle benign way. An opportunity to look at what is up whether it is a story you are telling yourself, a recurring pattern, ingrained beliefs or the simple condition of being human. This can be experienced in myriad of way, which seem personal but when inquired into miraculously dissipate, and then there is this ease of being, impersonal, alive and fresh.
We all have a story we tell ourselves, some are of deficiency and lack. For me it came in the guise of not being good enough and not getting it right.
Deficiency is the word which stood out for me when I came across Scott Kiloby’s work, the Living Inquiries – the looking, longing and desire for more while still having the less than story running - not being good enough, could do better, the endless comparison, and generally living with an undercurrent of not being good enough.
The biggest trap of not being good enough is the relentless striving for perfection. My nervous system was always on high alert; there was a familiar anxiety and self-loathing which felt quite normal. It was the lens through which I saw life. It informed how I lived my life, even in my spiritual seeking there was a belief I was not enough, at times I felt utterly hopeless and if truth were told felt unworthy of the Truth.
When I got to work with the Living Inquiries and examine these beliefs and conditioning of a lifetime, I saw how it was all held together by words, images and sensations. Quite simply and with the aid of a facilitator I got the opportunity to look very closely and intimately at this.
By looking at words such as ‘ I am not worthy’ and noting if the words had a charge or a response in the body. I brought my attention to the sensation and allowed it to be here as it was, without any judgment or desire for it to go away. Images would appear sometimes with a charge or sensation in the body, again I would drop into the feeling and then sit with the raw energy. I became really intimate with it as you would a child when hurt or sad. This intimate looking feels very alive, fresh and complete, there is nowhere to go but be with it as it is. A true meeting! And with that a softening and dispersing of the story, or relaxation of the conditioning.
I discovered being truly present included everything, the good and not so comfortable feelings, all of it appearing and dissipating in a wonderful play of being human ….being yourself naturally.
In Truth we know who we are and essentially we are searching for this, in life there can be a frustration at how elusive it can be because of our conditioning.
I highly recommend working with a facilitator, my deepest work is often done in the presence of a facilitator. To have another be a witness and hold the space is I find, deeply intimate and allows one to go deeper.